right??

i guess nothing i do will make it right...

not any more.....

hurts....

today...again cant sleep well...i dunno why but cant sleep well..

but luckyly its my off day...so i can just baring2 n relax2...

not affecting my work or dangering me if i go working up height..

climbing those pipe racks...those towers...100 meters high..

cant explain what is happening to me...

thinking abt her....n at the same time wondering does she still have doubts in me/..

are my words punching trough her heart...or just scratching it..

enuf?...not enuf?...

its hurts when u love someone...

but ...thats love...it hurts..

keep praying that this love will be an eternity love..

i guess if this wont work...i dont bother to find again..

tired of this "heart" game...

to old to play n make someone's heart hurt...n at the same time hurts myself..

just hoping and praying and trying to make this happen..

guess only god knows...keep my faith firm with god..

ask for help to him...only him...coz he knows better...

tata for now...

owh it hurts....

balas membalas blog hehe..

2 ari lepas...tgh dok lepak2 n mesej2..
terbaca la msg dia ni...
rasa cam dia msg tak bes aje...so cepat2 la call n tanya..
knapa ckp gitu..

n my cara bertanya tu punya la tak sopan...
apa la aku ni..ish...
lenkali tu la..kene la bertanya dgn cara yg sopan2..

kan dah salah...

ada adegan merajuk...n pujuk memujuk..
dah la den ni tak pandai nak memujuk...
kalau ada depan2..leh la sket terer nak mujuk...tp dlm tepon..
adeh..memang fail btui den ni..

tp last2..cite pnye cite...apa isi dlm ati prut..
ha ok la akhirnye...

taaapiii..masalahnye masa adegan merajuk tu..
aku pnye sakit...adeh sakit tui..

sakit apa..sakit rindu..
tak pnah rasa gitu..
nak tdo pon tak leh..nak makan pon tak slere..mandi..
em basah la jgak..sbab kene airpanas..cume taleh mandi lelama..
hehe...air panas tui..

tu la pelik..slalunye kalau aku penat letak je pala trus tido..
ni tak..golek sana golek sini..taleh gak tido..kol 10...11..1..2..3..4..
ish sampai la sahur..p sahur pon sebat je makan..
sbab kalau tak sure aku lapa nye..nak tanak sumbat aje..

taleh nak tido..jadik la ulat golek2...ingat bantal tak btui..
pusing bantal ke sana..kesini...taleh gak tido..ish tak besh tui..

anyhow...lepas tu dah la ok sket...cite2..apa pasal gitu..apa pasal gini..
kalau depan2 leh la nak peluk ke..pgang tgn ke...cubit pp ke..cuit idun ke..
tp ni jauh...ckp lap2 u pon cam tak sampai aje..

so lpas ni kene la berjaga2 cara bertanya..
n cara menjawab..sbb kalau depan2...leh la buat muke sposen kalau nak main2 jwaab ke.
muke gurau2 ke...ha kira ada connection la kan..chewah...

harap2 lepas ni leh la bnyk ckp2 lagi pasal diri seesama sendiri..
leh cite2 apa suke..apa tak suke..
ye la kan...jauh beribu stones....baling batu pon tak sampai...
so tepon ngan skaipe je la yg menghubung antara beberapa benua....

just nak bg tau kat sorang tu..
i love u so much...cant keep thinking abt u..
ari2 ingat u..ari2 tepk pasal u...
miss u slalu...

tak sabar nak jumpa...leh cite2..
tp aku ni pemalu orgnye...sure tegamam nak ckp bile dah jumpa..
hehe..insyalah nanti aku kuatkan n tabahkan ati nak bercakap..
chewah...

miss u sgt2 syg..
sayang sgt2....

ha gamba dlm blog u tu.anak ikan pari..
kalau ikan pari..buat masak asam sedap..
letak bende...camne nak eje....okra...lady finger..
camne dia leh panggil lady finger...lady pnye finger tade la macma tu..
dah la okra tu bebulu..
tp anyhow..sedap masak tu letak okra...
sedap...ish bes2..

tp masak asam ni taleh masak n trus makan..
dia kene masak..kasi sjuk...kasi letak lama2 sket..baru leh makan..
sbab nanti dia bile dah sjuk kuah dia pekat..
tu baru sedap...kalau baru2 masak..dia akan cam rasa pait sket...

ish tringin lak nk mkn masak asam..

hehe..den org melaka..so kalau org melaka tak reti makan masak masam..
memang tak sah la kan..

ha ckp pasal masak n mkn...
tringin lak mkn sup petola..
fullamak...letak bihun kan...pahtu letak tahu nipis2 tu...
peh bes2...ada tlur puyuh ke kan..
memang trangkat la...ish lapa plak rasanya..

ok2..stop cite pasal mkn...ni posa..taleh nak pk pasal mkan..hehe..

just want to tell u syg..
i love u soo much..with all my heart..
erm..uve taken my heart...so my heart is all urs syg..

nanti balik leh jumpa..kita cite2..jumpa....

ok syg..

its time to tido...dah kolbape dah ni...

hehe..

tata for now.

ha ni dia gamba potong rambut smlm...hehe...potong rambut yg dah tak bnyk dah ni.

kawan amikkan..

Love of my life..part 2

jeng jeng jeng...
macam cite p ramle...pahtu ada org jahat keluar..
gado2 pakai keris..then org baik menang..hahaha..

ok2....part 1 cite pasal first met..cam movie the first encounter..
ha doki doki doki doki...

first night...em pelik lak bunyinye..first day tu..jaga sampai kol 4 pagi...
arap2 dia kuar la balik dari tidurnye...tp tak gak kluar..
so den pon dah ngantok...
p la tido...tatau la dengkur ke tak...

then pg dah bgnun...smangat gile bgn..padahal tido kejap je..n ngantok gile2...
mandi2..tuka baju...

n nak pegi sarapan...ramai tgh sarapan ni..
ada kopi...ada ayam...ada nasik lemak..
peh sedap gile tu...

tp nak di jadikan cerita....
smalm dah la tadapat nak borak2 dgn dia ni...
ati sudah sakit..jatuh chenta...gelepuk jatuh..
bgn2 pon cam zombie je..tringat kat dia ni...yg tatau nama penuh dia apa..
org panggil nick name aje..

ha nak makan pagi...tp dlm ati nak ckp2 dgn dia..
so tolak la sarapan tu...amik aje kopi secawan...pegi kat tb...
tgk tb...n isap gokok...

peh dgr dia bangun..suara dia...trus cargas...dia p mandi..
n p breakfast....alamak..table is full la pulak..nak pegi macam mana..
tp kalau pegi sure ackward pnye...
so ada la ide2 menarik untuk pegi kat table tu...

ingat nak amik kopi...ha amik ko...org buat ash tray la pulak cawan tadi tu..
tak jadik..ingat nak amik ayam...alamak ayam plak macam dah tabes..
so tak jadik la nak p makan ngan dia..

apa lagi..terpaksa la simpan rasa nak p mkn dgn dia...
tgk muka dia pagi2...just dgr aje la suara dari jauh..

dah mkn..setel sume...everyone nak balik...
aku pnye la carik dia..tak jumpa2...
ish mana lak dia ni..

gupeny2 dia p amik gamba ngan kengawakn..
adeh melepas peluang nak amik gamba..
tak pe la control macho...
so kemas la rumah..tolong tu..tolong ni..

letak barang dlm kete...
ha dia ajak amik gamba...suke gile time tu..amik la gamba..
tp ada org kacau...x dpt nak amik berdua...
last night amik gamba berdua..tp nak la slalu2..
tp taleh tamak2...

ada la jugak gamba dgn dia...kira happy la jugak kan..
n kita ni cameraman..amik la gamba org ramai..
nyebok aje org2 lain ni..nak amik gamba dia actually..hahaha...
gile tui aku ni..

then we depart la dari rumah tu...nak check out..
dah park kete...n sume..

kene la benti kejap kan..
so aku dlm kete lain...dlm ati nak gak p dekat dgn dia..
nak ckp2...tp di sebabkan malu..tak lak dpt nak pegi..

tatau kenapa macam tu..slalunye aku tak la macma tu..
slambe2 je ckp dgn laki or pompuan..tp kali ni lain..
malu sgt2 sampai nak ckp pon taleh..n nak dekat pon taleh..
kene dok dari jauh aje...ish pelik tui..

di sebabkan nak carik sebab untuk dok dekat dgn dia...
pegi la kuar kete isap gokok..padahal tamo kuar pon..
nak lepak n tido aje...

ha dok la depan kete dia...
alamak ai....cermin tutup...ish tgk je la dia dlm kete..
layan org lain...

n at one time..dia turunkan cemin kete...fullamak!!!..pney la suke..
nak aje sumbat kepala dlm cermin tngkap kete tu n ckp2 kat dia..
tp nanti jadik org gile lak..so control la macho..
tp tetap nak dok dekat..so diri la dekat tingkap dia tu...
hahaha....taktik beb...
malu tapi mau...sambil mengontrol kemachoan aku...fuh..terer bahse melayu..

dah la spm dpt 6..sampaikan mak pon ckp aku ni bukan org melayu..
pasal tu la peribahasa2 sume dah bnyk lupa..
ish2..apa nak jadik...

ha sudah..lencong..

then keluar la kita dari tempat tu..menghala ke alor gajah..

ha singgah kat rumah kawna aku nye wife nye pak mentua nye rumah..fullamak bnyk tui "nye"..
anyhow..sampai2..dia dah masuk dlm rumah..

kita ni dok luar...aku pnye la tercarik2 dia...
dlm ati tak masuk dlm ni..memang tak dpt la kenal ngan dia lagi ni...

kebetulan di ajak masuk dlm..suke gile ati..tp malu n segan kat tuan rumah
den pakai suar katok aje...tak sopan p rumah org pakai gitu..
slambe badak slambe gak...tp kene la hormat org kan..

anyhow masuk dlm..tgk dia tade..
ye la rumah sedara dia..dia lepak la ngan sedara dia..
aku lak dok kat bawah dpn tv...adeh nak pusing carik dia
tak dpt...malu lak tu...dok aje la kat bawah tu..dia pon lepak kat atas tu..

ada doyan!!..wa sebat doyan..lama gile tak makan doyan.sdap lak tu..
ha dulu nick name aku doyan...hahaha..tp kejap aje la..slalunye di panggil yot or epit..
yot zaman lain...epit zaman lain..
ala cam ada era kegemerlangan..bukan era kemergelapan...tah ada word tu ke tak tatau la..
dgn air mangga lak tu..

very2 tak maching...rasa doyan n mangga begadoh..
seb baik dlm prut tak gadoh..

then dah mkn...several ppl org ilang..dok kat luar isap gokok..
aku puas la carik dia mana dia pg...
gupeny2 dok ramai2 kat luar..

apa lagi..kluar la...dgn alasan nak isap gokok..padahal tade apa pon tak isap gokok.
ngam2 dpt duduk dpn dia..fullamak bes gile..
sekali sekala tgk dia..sekala skala tgk dia..
dia bg ipad...tgk ipad...

haha..bes gle...it was fun...rasa cam thrill gile2..
nak kenal dia..nak ckp dgn dia..

it was hard...really hard...
bkn sbab susah apa...kene surpress malu pnye feeling...segan pnye feeling.
untuk ckp dgn dia...tu la pelik tu..
malu kat kawan2 bukan..tp malu kat dia..

ye la kita ni sapa...tak encem gmok lak tu..takut dia tamo je kat aku ni..
tp hati sudah suke..makin ari makin suka..makin ari makin sakit rasa rindu ni..
tepaksa la cube segala macam cara untuk dpt ckp ngan dia..

dah duduk kat bawah tu...then kta org decide nak p makan...
tatau nak p mkn kat mana..ha makan la kat banda ilir..
on the way tu..peh jauh nye..lamanye..

nak tgk dia lagi..tp hmm...apa nak buat..
kene la sabar..

so sampai satu tempat...dah park..n jalan p lift...
adeh nak diri sblh dia..tp dia cam tamo aje...lari2 je dari aku..
tak pe la sabar...turun satu floor...dia p toilet..
ish lama la pulak..

macam tgk jam..tick tok...tick tok...ish lama..
dia dah dtg balik...nak tgk straight muke dia malu...hmm..what can i do.
we decided turun bawah..kene jalan jauh sket..

ha!...chance!!!....jalan la slo2..mana tau dpt sama pace dgn dia..
ish melepas lagi...dia jalan ngan org lain..
tdpt jalan sblh dia..

last2 jalan la ngan my bro...sambil isap gokok...
cite2...tgk sana tgk sini...

sampai kedai makan...ha aku dah dpt tempat bes gile...
dok dpn2 dia...hehe...

nak amik nasik..ingat dia nak makan jgak..
tp dia tak makan...ish melepas lagi nak mkn dgn dia..
ye la leh la tau apa dia suke...sbb nasik campo time tu..
tp tak kesampaian...aku makan la sorang2...

ikan smilang..sayo kangkong...teh suam..tu la menu aku..
dia dok sblah sana..aku asik tgk aje dia..

kira buat2 kosi kecik n tak slesa la...
so pusing2 badan..pahadal nak tgk dia...
hahaha..gile la aku ni..

dah mkn..decide nak balik..
aala...pasni memang tak jumpa la dah agaknye..
sedih..tp ye la..aku ni syok sendiri..dia tak tau aku suke dia..
rindu n rasa suke sume sendiri...

so ckp la kat diri aku ni..kalau arini tadapat ckp memang pasni tdpt la jumpa dia lagi..
tp tringat ada fb..so last option..
contact dia tru fb la kan...first time tgk site fb dia...aku trus ingat besday 12 sep..
haha...gile pnye capture tu..

so p la car park...
aku buat2 macho..cite2 ngan org...tgk bawah..
dia p lari trus dlm kete....ish memang dia tak suke kat aku ni..
dia lari trus...

memang tade peluang la nak kenal dia ni..

pastu!!!!!!!..dia kuar balik...dia tanya apa address blog aku..
aku bg la tau....dia kata nak tgk..ha tak pe tgk la....dlm ati ok nanti msg kat fb mintak nomor.

tp sebaliknye dia lak mintak nomor aku...aku dgn suke hati bg la kan..
tp kan...dia p bagi kazen dia pnye nomor...

ish2...tensen aku..nak nomor dia..dia bg nomor kazen...
ok la memang melepas la peluang..tp at last..dia bg nomor dia..
trus aku bg miscall..supaya dia tak ilang nomor aku..

hahah...yeay!!!...

rasa nak melompat2 aje..sbb suke sgt2 dpt nomor dia..
tp taleh la kan..jadik jaih la pulak..

then kete dia jalan kluar parking..

dia tak tgk aku..aku tgk dlm kete..dia usik2 ipad..
hmm..memang suke sgt2 ipad tu..tak minat kat aku kot..

so berlalu la dia...

tak nampak dah dia..
nak balik cepat2 ni..nak tgk fb..tgk dia..

tp tau la kalau my bro bawak kete..
bnyk tempat kita singgah...makan tu..beli tu..beli ni..ish2..
dlm ati ni nak balik cpat..

ada nomor tepn dia..nak call dia..tp...tp..tp..ish patut ke call..or not..or msg?..
ish kompius...

dah la rindu..gile2 lak tu...dlm kete...asik tringat kat dia...terpk pasal dia..

apa dia buat skarang...apa dia mkn...camne muke dia skang...

tp sume sendiri aje la kan...tatau yg dia suke kat aku ke tak...

so aku berangan la sendiri...sakit sendiri..

time tu...fullamak...hati ku debar2..macam kuda belari...tak pnah naik kuda pon.
tatau kuda belari camne..haha...

so aritu balik dgn keadaan yg sedih n rindu...

apa nak buat..tepaksa la tahan..

thats what second day felt like..

sakit sgt2...

blom 3rd day lagi...

ha tu nanti next topic..

dah sejam tulis ni....tulis delete..tulis delete..

so jari jemari den yg kiut miut ni dah ponek..
kene la relax sket...
asik taip aje...pasni kene klik2 maus...dgn sign2 paper..

nanti sambung lagi...cepat la pulak aku tulis ni.
kan bagus aku ckp pahtu dia record..pahtu trus masuk email..
ada perisian gitu...tp mahal..haha..perisian..silap2 jadik perisai..

taleh2..aku bkn pandai bahse melayu..

ok2...smoga jumpa lagi..

bai beeeeee....

Love of my life..part 1

ha ni nak cite sket..camne aku jatuh cinte..jatuh kedebuk pnye..
so mana tau dah tua2 sok...macam la skang ni tak tua..anyhow...masa tu nanti
leh baca balik..camne aku jatuh cinte...leh la nostalgia sket2...
n bleh baca dgn org yg aku jatuh cinte gak dulu...masa tetua nanti..

ok la..camni mula2 dia...time tu aku baru balik dari cuti..
ye la keje kuli kat negara org kan..so balik cuti nak la lepak2...

ha nak cite sket time aku balik tu...balik ok la..from auh to doh...transit several mins..
then doh to kul...dah la lapa time tu..
naik2 aje from doh..dpt la makan...ada ke dia nak sumbat aku mcm2 pnye makanan..
dah mkn tu..nak bg ni..then bg lagi..last2 desert aku ckp tamo..tau la service bagus..
tp jgn la telampau bagus..ok then tgk tv..aku memang taleh nak tido dlm flight...
so tgk la tv...n dah nak sampai ni..kol 8 pagi...prut dah lapa..
tunggu pnye tunggu..tade bekpes...pahtu aku tanya la bekpes ku mana..
dia ckp dah nak turun..dia ingat aku tido..
apa la..td pnye la bnyk tanya nak makan apa..tp bile nak bekpes tak lak tanya nak mkn apa..
dah sah2 aku tgh tgk tb...malas nak keje la tu agaknye..

ha dah tepesong kat situ lak dah..

ok sambung balik..sampai je key el...
time tu memang flat gile2 la...naik kete...ha dpt bawak kete myvi baru..
pnye la susah bwk myvi baru..sbab fly by wire...electronic bkn rack n pinion pnye handle..
anyhow...several mins...dpat la biasakan diri..

dlm kete..cite2 la ngan my big bro..
dia ckp..ha jumaat ni ada get together gether kat afamosa melaka..jom ikut skali..
aku orait aje...tp pk balik..aku bkn rapat sgt2 ngan geng2 tu..
biasa2 aje...nak lepak satu malam....tepk gak apa aku nak buat..

rasa cam tamo pegi..tp dok kl tade apa nak buat...tp nak lepak ngan my bro n his frens..
so timbang pnye timbang kiri kanan....last2 decide pegi la kan..

ha that day..lpas jemaat..lepak kat kedai kopi..
then ptg tu amik besday boy..not boy pon..bapak org dah..
n off to fomosa..

dlm kete ada la tanya sapa ada..depa ckp la..org2 biasa...tp ada sorang yg aku tak kenal katanye..
oo ye ke...tak pe la...tak kenal leh buat kenal2..
dia ckp pompuan....ok la..pompuan...so nanti la jumpa leh tgk..

then masuk afamosa...sesat..pusing sana sini tak jumpa..
tp last2 jumpa gak...park kete..turun kete..turun barang...n isap gokok sket..
nak masuk rumah tak kenal sume2 org..

tuan rumah dok kat lobi...n cite2 ngan kita org..ckp bbq dah ready..jap lagi kita masak..
orait la kan...soh kita org masuk...ok pass barang..masuk la dlm rumah..

kat luar terang..kat dlm rumah gelap...
so masuk rumah take few secs jgak la nak biasakan mata ni..

tgk lalu je kat living room..ada dapor...dpn dapor ada somebody diri..

OMG....tgk aje alamak trus camne nak cite tatau la...just rasa dia ni ke org ckp geng baru..

mula2 tgk sbnarnye tak nampak sgt muka...sbab masih blur luar terang dlm gelap..
tgk aje fuh...trus hati ter jatuh..gedebuk...
rasa macam ada benda berlaku dlm hati ni...tp tatau apa yg tejadik..

sepanjang2 idup 35 taun..tak penah rasa macam ni...tak tau apa berlaku..
dulu ada gak bermakwe2 ni..tp first time rasa macam tu...apa yg jadik tatau..
so jalan la trus..letak beg...

nak pegi luar rumah ada pool n tgk bbq...kawan aku nye wife ckp la..ha ni my kazen...
n she just look at me..n ckp "hi acat"..n ask for a handshake...

wow!!...handshake!!!...hati debar2 ni...tp control macho...n shake la tgn..n ckp "hi" back...

masa handshake tu...erm rasa cam kene electric shock..right to my heart...wow first time rasa gitu..
tp kene la control macho..n malu lak tu...trus aje lepas tgn..n kluar p kat pool.

fuh gile la time tu...rasa sgt2 malu n at the same time interested sgt2 nak ckp dgn dia..

ha kluar la kat pool..lepak2....dia duduk la kat the side of the pool...main i pad dia..
ish dia ni..main ipad aje...aku nak cite2 dgn dia ni..tp malu pnye pasal..
so aku p la amik kamera aku...main2 dgn camera..
dah la time tu malam...tak pandai pakai flash dgn camera...puas amik gamba dia tp sumenye blur..tensen gile time tu..
try2 ..tak jadik..ah sudah la letak balik kamera..
dok balik kat pool..

bbq dah masak..dia ni dah stat makan ayam...n dok dkat2...offer ayam..
waduh..nak aje aku makan trus ayam tu...
tp sbab malu pnye pasal..ckp tak pe..later amik sendiri..

waaa...bodoh gile time tu..patut ckp thanx aje n amik..tp ish..apa la kan..mixed feeling macam mixed fruit..
padahal diri sendiri lapa....ha last2 sendiri2 la amik ayam n makan..
n dok kat other side of the pool...stillllll tgk2 kat dia tu..
dia dgn kazen dia...

taleh jadik ni..kene gak ckp..n tgk dia ada amik plastik isi coklat..
ha chance!!!...lalu dpn ckp try la ceklat ni...
dia bleh ckp pulak ceklat mana yg bes...wow!!...conversation...
carik2 tp ceklat yg ku suke tade...so tepaksa la ckp yg bes da tade...

n back to my seat at the other end...adeh kejap aje ckp2 dgn dia..
pahtu dia main fb...ha aku ckp la tgk apa tu..sume2..dia mintak akunye fb..
soh dia search fbku...tp memang tak jumpa la kan..sbab memang buat org lain taleh nak search..
tak suke org2 yg tak kukenal tgk fb...fb is for my close friends n ppl that knew me only..
carik2 tak jumpa..

ingat nak putus asa time tu...tp ckp la..if i can search u then bleh la..
time tu jugak login kat ipad dia..n carik her nick name..n add...

wow!!...dah add..tp aku tade intenet nak tgk dia nye page..ish2..
tak bes tui...so tgk la dia dari jauh lagi...

then at one time dia ilang..mana ni.rupa2nye dia masuk dlm mandi n cleaned herself..
ish time tu soo lonely sbb tadapat tgk dia..

n after that dia kluar pakai baju katun2 n legging kaler klabu...wow how sweet...how cute...how adorable..
makin la aku suke..makin la aku rasa nak lebih kenal...tp owh my..malu sgt2..

one time dok kat dpn tv...dia dok atas sofa...
sblh aku..apa lagi...ada camera...snapshot!!!...main snap aje...
tak setting btul2...tp rupa2nya...the best setting ever...

love that shot..sampai skarang its the best shot ever...love that look..love that hair...love that gedikness..
n i fell in love with her...

tgh malam tu...dia dah masuk tido..

i felt like..oh my....my heart gone empty..
like someone just took it from me..

tp sbab dgn kawan2...so tepaksa la ckp2 dgn kawan..

tp dlm ati..i was sooooooooo lonely...i nak ckp2 dgn dia..
nak lepak2 dgn dia..nak kenal dia..

n mula sakit..it hurts missing her...it hurts badly..
asik2 ingat..asik2 ingat...

tp tu la..tade gamba dia dia..just gamba dlm kamere..
tu pon bkn dia sorang...so tgk aje la dlm kamere..

baru la aku tau that was love...my love at first sight..

tak penah rasa macam ni...it hurst badly...i like her soo bad...
fell in love...

n the person that i fell in love is...
 

jeng jeng jeng...tak tau her full name after quite some time..

tp bile dpt tau full name...suke sgt...

i love u so much

i love who u r..i love all of u...mungkin ada org pnah ckp gitu..
tp im me..i want to be me..

n i nak bg tau..that i love all of u...

im deeply...deeply in love..

fuh first time tulis blog ini macam..

tak pe next time ada part 2...n 3..n dunnow how many parts...

but it will keep coming...

wow..i miss her..hahaha...masa tulis ni pon missing her badly..

hope cud meet her n hug her now...tp im thousand miles apart..
so tgk aje her pics..n baca balik her mails..

i love u syg...

powerful stuff

love is so powerful...

powerful enuf to motivate and to encourage someone to do something good and better for
himself/herself and even to others..

but...sometimes u have to oversee alll other things to know that ur love is pure and true and
transparent enuf

stand strong and beleive in urself..

is this what it mean it is?

i cant remember when i last updated this blog...few weeks ago i guess...

cant force to write when i dont feel to write..but maybe today i want to mumble a bit..

few weeks had been so wonderful to me..and am expecting to continue being wonderful..but there

is a pause i guess...

cant think what i did wrong..but at the end..i guess its me that made the wrong doing..

regardless what is the result...it is what it is..

have to accept what ever the result is..

just want that special someone to know what ever the ending will be...ill keep lovin u...like no 

one..

maybe will take years to overcome that feelings and maybe could not even....

i just dont know what to do..

it hurts...badly...felt like wanna cry...but no one could hear and see it...

better to keep it inside me...as always..keep it within me...approach my frenz like nothing happened..

thank god im far away from ppl that knew me...far away from reality...far away from others..

definately far away from true feelings..

let this fingers stop...let the tears stop...let the heart beat stop...but dont let love stops..

till then..

ta ta..

mumbling again...

its hard

damn...just few days came back to "the" deserted desert...

daily up to 50 deg outside..burnin my skin when walking...phew..but what to do its just work have to do what i have to do..

now its becoming harder everyday..

cant stop thinkin abt that someone...cant focus on my work.....sometimes i cant even breathe...

its hurts very2 bad but that feeling make me even stronger...did not ever been like this before..

beleive in myself....n try to make the very best

time to go

have to leave my place for a while...

change all mind settings for work not leasure...with this coming very very hot season..

hopefully not like last year...

been put on a strecher brought to the clinic by ert team...why?..coz i didnt drink enough water..

thats what they said...

i tot i did...but clearly..not enuf...

anyhow...work have to be done....n live must go on..

have to say bye2 to families...c ya next few months...

phew...very2 hard n berat to leave home...urgh...what to do...wish i cud find a job here..

near to everyone...n near to that someone...

dreams.....will come to i beleive...

beleive ur heart..n it will be real...

ta ta for now..

will update under the hot sizling sun later..

holiday or hellday?..

wow just came back from my holiday...

place was nice, food was nice, ppl was nice, activities were nice...everything was...

but when i do come back in real life...wow that was tiring...

dont know how long or till when ill be normal again n can start workin again...

n it hurts...really bad..not knowing what to do...what to say...no exact words to say..

that sucks...really sucks...

should i or shouldnt i speak out loud.....

should i or shouldnt i keep it inside me n keep hurting myself..

i dont know...

haha...but for sure my skin are tanner than before...n for sure few days from now

it will starts peeling..

yulks...like snakes peeling...but kewl maybe can make some handbags or belts or shoes...

few days more..then back to old days climbing up n down...sweating like hell...smell like urgh dont know how to express in words.....makes my shoulder ache....legs n knees pain...

but i love my job...for now i think..

have to search for different job n settle down..chill out...relax...but as my mother used to say,

tade rezki sekarang...apa yg ada balun aje cukup2...asalkan piok nasik tak kosong...

thats my mum...dont run away from humps just go over it...

later...ta ta

it hurts

darn...daily update for the time being i guess...

it hurts...awesome but it hurts...quite some time not feeling like this...butterfly in my stomach?...really?...

maybe its just my chemical and atomic glitch...or not...just time will tell..

ta ta for now..

trons with gadgets

tday lepak with new friends...n quite surprising la..young boys with big toys that costs big bucks..

still remember when i bought my first slr...phew cost me a fortune n took me years to save money for that..but these guys, with latest model n new lenses...

maybe they trade gold..thats why they can afford it..

anyhow...its good to see n know some new faces, learn a lot today..not from the gadgets but from those young boys...

when passion is there...anything can and will overcome anything..money?..just part of it...

be cool guys..n keep searching until u find what u really want..for me?..i just want piece..

haha...darn im bored today..need to spice up my life a bit..

lets see.....

hurm...its been a while since i last blogged...

somehow maybe its time for me to update my blog...if anyone is lookin at..

so here goes...will do when feels to..

ta ta